On Patriotism

You may or may not be aware of this, but I'm a Scot. That is, I'm from Scotland. I'm Scottish. Random occurrences atop random-er occurrences throughout time led to the birth of the specific person that I am and so that person turned out, as it just so happens, to have been born in an historically-delineated portion of a fragment of planet called Britain. All of this resulted in his gender being male, his voice sounding a certain way, his hair being a certain colour and his, yes, even that. Everything that comprised his life caused him to move to another of the delineated parts of this "Britain", a place they know as "England". As it just so happened.

As it just so happened, this genetic experiment was matched and exceeded the world over in all factors, all backgrounds and all combinations. In kindness, in cleanliness; in smartness and in selflessness. In every fashion, the same "grow your own human" kit has been used to variable effect and it is demonstrably demonstrable that there are both good and awful examples in all different kinds of locations.

It is down to this fact that I call into question the ideology of patriotism and nationalism. The world is full of interesting people, communities, villages, towns, cities and countries but to think that any single one of them is "better" simply because it is the one in which one randomly sprouted is small-mindedness at best. As I mentioned above in a more masturbatory abstract form, I live in England now after growing up in Scotland. I love Scotland, it's a beautiful place and I've been on holiday there many a time (that's what happens when you have a family cat growing up). Some of my best friends are from there and everything.

But I could never imagine saying that it's the best country because have you seen other countries? Some of them are amazing. Some of them are not so good due to the crazy people living in them but that's the cost of a world with such variety and it's why the fast-approaching knuckle-to-the-skull that is English Pride makes me so nervous. It makes a lot of European football fans nervous too. I know English people too, they're cool guys. But as always the perception of their culture has been sullied by their worst elements. Which is unfortunate given that in the case of England, the worst elements are those who espouse the greatness of the country while pissing all over it.

It's the same anywhere - the burger joint employee who first stacked over 5 ham patties in a single bun will forever owe America a course of lap-band surgeries and the chip shop employee who first battered and deep-fried something that wasn't fish or sausage will forever owe Scottish heritage a quintuple-bypass. And now Scotland, world-renowned for its excellent book-keeping, wants proper independence like what we lost in that big fight that time. Sadly nobody is going to see Alex Salmond jousting David Cameron for it but a boy can dream. One quick trip out on a horse and all that sweet whiskey money could be ours.

None of this is to say that you shouldn't be proud of where you're from. I swell non-sexually whenever I consider the valleys, vistas, culture and cheer of my home country and the same is true when I think of where I live now. I just don't think that wearing obnoxious t-shirts, smashing up Argentinian cafés and adding an extra syllable to my country's name as I chant it reflexively with my friends constitutes "support". When it comes to appreciation of where you reside, I can only ask that you pay attention to those clearest of lines between pride and bullshit.